Sunday, January 20, 2013

A Zombie Hunter and The Boobie Doll: Short Story?

This was an attempt at a flash fiction (a story told in 1,000 words or less). It was rejected, but the publisher sent me an email and told me why. And just between you and me, I LOVE it when that happens! It's difficult to improve, if I never know why a piece isn't good enough.

I digress. For a flash, this story has too much going on, too many characters and a cliff hanger ending. Since this piece features some of my favorite characters, I have decided to extend it, finish the tale and turn it into a short story (maybe more).

If you’ve read my story ‘Duality’, you’ll recognize Caine as the zombie hunter. He finds himself on a rescue mission to ‘The Boobie Doll’, a zombie strip club in Vegas.

Please read and enjoy!

A Zombie Hunter and The Boobie Doll

By Stephanie Greenhalgh

Caine and Nolia sat under the large oak tree with their legs lazily intertwined enjoying the sunny afternoon. Nolia was completely engrossed in the latest Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse novel and Caine was knee deep into beating his time on advanced Sudoku.

Nolia’s phone rang. She grabbed for it lazily, but she bolted upright when the hysterical voice began ranting. The slender, athletic beauty clicked the phone shut and faced Caine.

“It’s Natalie’s sister, Lydia. She went to a cheer competition in Vegas. She was supposed to be home earlier today. She never got on the plane. Natalie called all her friends, but they all thought she left. She was coming home early for her mom’s surprise party tonight.” Nolia finished.

“Now what?” Caine questioned. He knew Natalie had already looked into a variety of avenues. As a seer, or oracle, she had many special ways to gain otherwise difficult information.

“She checked the looking glass and saw zombies.” Nolia looked Caine in the eye.

            “On it,” the tall, bald, buff, biker dude and resident zombie hunter muttered moments before picking up is Smartphone. When the phone buzzed back, Caine summarized quickly.

 “A couple of local grease balls were seen grabbing a blonde girl near the airport. They hang at a local club and zombie habitat, my favorite.” He grinned, “I’ll head out there and check it out. Think you could give me a magical lift, Doll?” He leaned in, brushed her neck with his lips, and gave her his best adorable lopsided grin.

“Yep, I think I have just what it takes to concoct the perfect Hickory Grove to Vegas portal.” She smiled and winked. Caine didn’t doubt the reigning queen of realm traveling. His girl had mad skills. The pair headed to Nolia and Natalie’s apartment.

A tall, blonde, leggy Natalie was bent over a looking glass. Nolia set right to work in her well equipped kitchen. Caine watched stoically. Natalie paced frantically, while Nolia expertly added eye of newt to an already simmering pot.  After a brief chant from an old tattered booklet, a swirling bluish cloud engulfed the breakfast nook. Nolia raised her eyebrows and nodded expectantly toward Caine.

“I’ll text soon, Babe.” Caine kissed Nolia hastily while giving her ass a quick feel. “Don’t worry, Natalie.” He jumped feet first into the swirling bluish blob and disappeared.

In Vegas, the portal burped and spit Caine out; he shimmied to a stop right in front of ‘The Boobie Doll’ strip club. He steadied himself and allowed his insides to slide back into their regular space. Once he settled, the zombie hunter cocked his head from side to side until his neck popped. “Well, all right.” Caine smirked cracking his knuckles and walking into a dark and seedy gentlemen’s club.

Caine somewhat enjoyed zombie habitats as long as you didn’t disrupt them; they could be amusing to watch. Caine stared at the zombie bartenders, patrons and strippers. One look at the gray goo flopping around on stage and Caine cracked up. He heard a commotion outside and the laugh froze in his throat. He ducked quickly and founded himself wrenched between a gelatinous male zombie getting a lap dance from a nasty, naked, lady zombie. Caine was certain she was losing her implants and maybe an eyeball.

“Get in there! ‘The big guy’ wants to talk to you!” A foul fat man grumbled as he yanked a pretty, little blonde by the hair. She kicked, screamed and contorted in an attempt at freedom from fatty’s slimy paws and leering eyes.

THWACK! The meaner, but quieter of the two goons, hauled off and smacked her upside the head. Blood spurt from her lip and she cried out in pain. “Easy now,” the chattier of the two added.

Caine clenched his fist and resisted the urge to jump over the tables and the dim-witted zombies to pummel the two fatties. But he wasn’t about to make a bonehead mistake of showing his hand, before he knew what exactly he was up against. Grudgingly, he allowed the two to drag the girl into the back room. He smooshed his way through the zombie horde and had a repulsive dance with one gooey stripper zombie before he weaseled past.

Caine got the door and listened carefully. He turned the knob slowly and carefully peeking into the room. A blonde girl sat gagged and tied to a chair.

“Lydia?” He whispered.

She nodded.

He crept in, freed her from the chair, threw her over his shoulder and tip-toed out the door. He came face to face with a very angry, mob of grayish, glutinous zombies.

“Well, shit. I knew that was too easy. Lydia, phone’s in my back pocket. Text Nolia, tell her I got you and we’re ready. Oh yeah, and hold on.” Caine laughed. The frightened girl nodded reaching for the phone.

Caine leapt up and kicked the first patron in the face. He took out half of them as they systematically tumbled like dominoes. Not the most intelligent creatures. He whipped out the miniature crossbow tethered to his arm and effortlessly took out three more with tiny silver darts to the neck. The female zombie behind the bar leapt over the bar and stood drooling with nails like talons in front of Caine. She was larger than the rest. She grunted and moaned as she lurched forward. Instinctually, Caine whipped around with a round-house kick, and Lydia flung her silver necklace just before Caine’s kick made contact. The kick and the silver propelled the giant zombie backward and took out the last four zombies like bowling pins. Caine bolted out the door. The bluish cloud swirled before him. He jumped and the two disappeared.

The big man came out from the back room. “Vegas mission accomplished. We were able to track the portal. Yes, we now know where the seer lives and who her friends are.” He said into the cell phone.




  1. Thanks! I've turned it into the beginning of a short story. Not sure where it is going yet, tho:)